i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
