please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
