did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
