just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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