At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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