The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
