How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
