I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
