Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
