How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
