She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
