ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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