She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
