i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
