you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize