I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
