It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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