Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
