My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
