yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
