there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
