Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize