It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
