We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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