she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
