I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
