He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
