when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
