My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
