Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish I only lived at night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
