sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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