You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
are you so shy because you have an std?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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