I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
