bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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