I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
