i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize