I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Randomize
