Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
