he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
