what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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