Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
