I hate your face
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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