My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
