is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
