tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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