My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
