She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
