just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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