Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
