Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
