i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize