honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
