do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
