You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
