What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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