I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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