I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
