My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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