I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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