But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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