And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
