Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
