Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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