What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he fucked my hip out of place.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
