Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize