It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
