I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
