Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize