well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's blow job season.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
