if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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