just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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