tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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