honey bunches of taint.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
