You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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