Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
