Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
