Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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