If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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