New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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