i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
