I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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