And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
