She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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