i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
