I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
