At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
