um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your penis caused this!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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