I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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