..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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