did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize