Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
is wine microwaveable?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
