She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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