you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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