I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
