tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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