i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
