You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
