Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
