everyone is single if you try hard enough
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
