it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
