is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
