Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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