Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
