Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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