Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's great music for shaving your balls
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
