Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
