Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
