After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
